Friday, January 09, 2009

Note to parents traveling with kids

Hey, "parents"! Sitting by yourselves and cuddling on a 4-hour flight, and leaving your squirmy little boy in the "care" of your apathetic (and sleeping) teenage daughter, ain't parenting in my book. Next time try sacrificing your nooky time and sitting one parent with each kid, and actually supervising their behavior, rather than seating the kids off by themselves.

It's called parenting, folks. Try it some time.

Ever had to fight for personal space on an airplane with one of those adult-sized human beings who can't seem to keep their elbow, legs, and shoulders to themselves? Try it with a little kid who can't sit still, to the tune of testing every contortionist position that an 8-year-old can pack into the middle seat within the space of three minutes, including thrusting a sock-clad feet (the shoes came off a long time ago) in my face as he gyrates.

What fun.

Oh, and parents? One more thing. Just a little matter, really.

People do not want to be exposed to your kid's serial farting for 4 continuous hours while trapped in a small, enclosed cylinder of hurtling metal breathing recycled air.

Teach him how to hold it. You may think there's nothing so sweet as the smell of little Johnny's internal combustion exhaust.... Me?

Not so much.


Joplin John said...

Ah, I see how it is! It's always "Little Johnny"! "Whew, who squeezed one off?" All heads turn, and it's me they see. It only happend ONCE, and I was, like, THREE years old! My grand-dad enjoyed it anyhow!

Win Scott Eckert said...

John, you're right... The next time I find myself in the unfortunate position of scribing a similar post, I'll be sure to use "little Billy" as my generic farting kid.